Safety While Partying

There’s nothing like livin it up while you’re abroad. Whether you’re with a big group of friends travelling together or making new acquaintances due to your sparkling personality, social events make for some of the most memorable experiences of your life and ensure you’ll have some way of convincing your kids you weren’t always this lame.

I get to tell my son I played Backgammon on a surf board in Switzerland with giant beers. Jealous?

You’ll probably still be lame though… but that’s okay.

To be sure you live to an old enough age to properly reflect on your past exploits (and not to mention be able to actually procreate and raise said children) there are some measures you can take. I will now be kind enough to list them for you. You’re welcome.

1. Don’t Get Blackout Drunk

This is either a homeless guy or someone who passed out and is waiting for his train. You never can tell in Tokyo.

I know none of us really plan on getting blackout drunk… it just kinda works out that way. I for one try to taper off just as I start to feel like I’m floating through the air like some sort of cross-eyed cloud of inebriation, raining down witty banter and spittle everywhere I go. It’s just, if you do those 3 or 8 more tequila shots, you’re probably not going to remember anything, possibly hurt yourself and end up in the hospital. Nobody wants to add stomach pumped in foreign country to their ‘been there, done that’ list.

2. Drink Your Own Beverages

Here’s a tip to go by… if someone is buying the bar a round, toss it down the hatch. If someone is buying just you a drink, particularly if you don’t know them or think they might want in your pants (or maybe they just want your pants), toss it on the floor. Date raping isn’t just something that happens to freshmen girls. You are that pretty too.

3. Travel in Packs

Ever wonder why hot girls travel in groups? There is safety in numbers… and if there are a lot of them you’re less likely to pick apart their individual flaws. Yes. That was mean. BUT the same is true for any group – your flaws, weaknesses are stronger if there are more of you. You’re less likely to get jumped walking through an alley on the way home or if your drunken buffoonery angers someone, you’re less likely to get your ass handed to you if you are with a few other people who have your back.

4. Stick to the Sauce

When in doubt… drink it all!

Yes, there are times where it seems like a good idea to start combining substances in order to maximize your good time. There’s a reason though that you only do these things when you’re drunk – your judgment is way down and you’re highly suggestive. In addition to many of those ‘extra’ things being illegal (never a good thing when you’re on vacation… unless you’re a diplomat), combining drugs and alcohol can be a sure fire way to not remember anything and be filled with remorse.

5. Bring Protection for… You Know…

Just because… you never know what someone else might be packin and the last thing you want is for your junk to look like you suffered a chemical burn and your offspring to have gills.

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  1. […] There are some places that should come with a warning label. Luckily, some places do by reputation alone for being a bastion of debauchery and questionable living conditions. Unfortunately, if you think yourself invincible and not subject to the rules of mortal men, like this guy here, well… you pretty much get what’s coming to you. […]

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