Wanted: Friend with Cottage


There are a few things I wouldn’t mind having that seem to be hallmarks of first world luxuries, and one of the them is definitely a cottage. Yes, it seems to go against all logic and reason behind what makes Chewy great (being the voice of the tipsy, belligerent, common man), but having a chance to spend time out in nature and removed from the urban or suburban grind is something I could get used to.

The only problem is, I don’t get out much.

Unless you inherit one from your family who bought one years ago, many people who seek out cottages in the prime areas are going to be paying astronomical sums that would keep out rif raf like yours truly. Sure, I can rent one for a weekend or longer but it’s not really the same as owning it. I have thought about killing someone and taking their identity… but that seems like a lot of work.

Please be my friend?

So basically what I’m looking for is a friend who will adopt me as their brother and let me use their cottage to chill out in. I might even let them tag along on occasion! In exchange, I will provide my award winning personality and give my relatively infinite praise to them to the high heavens (or whatever they believe in). Do you think this is enough?

Where I live, there are many people who have cottages but it’s their actual homes, and they live a pretty sweet life. I mean, if you’re a born and bred city dweller it might be a bit hard to adjust, particularly if you NEED to go out for dinner, the movies – all that urban dwelling stuff, but it is doable, trust me. Even if you don’t think you could fully unplug and move out to cottage country for good, you would still likely enjoy it every few weekends or so.

Chewy want…

I’ve had an idea for a while to buy up land in this one area that I know is going to be the next boom area for cottages. Right now, the land is dirt cheap because it lacks the infrastructure and it’s still mostly populated by locals who don’t make a lot. The thing is, it’s about the same distance to the major urban populations that drive for hours and have millions to spend but are still so focused on the ‘old’ area. It’s only a matter of time before they change their tune and stumble on this hidden gem.

Great idea, right? Yeah it is… if only I had the capital to do so…

So for now, I’m just looking to mooch off a friend and chill out in their cottage. Are you someone I could mooch off of? Would you like a friend? I’m taking applications now and I promise you’ll love hanging out with Chewy.

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